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Losing Someone

>> Saturday, March 08, 2008

It's almost a month since my friend Tuna died. The first few days were hard for me. It was difficult to move on, because the events seemed so unreal. However, I've learned to accept it. It's a painful process. How can someone so like me (that includes her friends and family) be given something so heavy a burden to bear?

Only God knows.

Mom said that it was a task for all of us. It's a challenge for us to be stronger as individuals. A wake-up call for things bigger than ourselves. Tita Lynette said we should learn from her death. Those lessons on death, I've learned. Even if it meant learning it the hard way.

I was browsing through my writing notebook a few days ago. I came across this quote I wrote down. It was a text message sent to me by I forgot whom (I think it was from Pate), that made perfect sense.

1. Sometimes God breaks your spirit to save your soul.
2. Sometimes, He breaks our hearts to make us whole.
3. Sometimes, He sends us pain so we can be stronger.
4. Sometimes, He sends us failure so we can be humble.
5. Sometimes, He sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves.
6. Sometimes, He takes 'everything' away so we can learn the value of everything we have.

Numbers 1, 2, 3 and 6 spoke to me. Life isn't our plan, and big revelations like this come unexpected. One moment you're happy and you think that life is fun, then bam! life is not just getting a golden ticket to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. The death was a nudge for me to stay on God's life map for me.

This is a song from the musical "Rent"

Without You
The Ground Thaws
The Rain Falls
The Grass Grows

Without You
The Seeds Root
The Flowers Bloom
The Children Play

The Stars Gleam
The poets dream
The Eagles Fly
Without You

The Earth Turns
The Sun Burns
But I Die
Without You

Without You
The Breeze Warms
The Girl Smiles
The Cloud Moves

Without You
The Tides Change
The Boys Run
The Oceans Crash

The Crowds Roar
The Days Soar
The Babies Cry
Without You

The Moon Glows
The River Flows
But I Die
Without You


I can't wallow too in this sad event. Life has to go on. Life goes on for me, but I will carry these lessons in my heart. It'll equip me for grander things in store for me. I disagree at the last two lines, "I die without you." Yes, I could feel dead without Tuna around. I can choose to die and drown in sadness, but I can choose another road: move on and go on with life without Tuna. There are other things alive around me, and they should be showered with God's love. Things around me are signs that God is alive, God is in control, God is talking to me.

Learn from her death. That line keeps resounding in my ears. Sometimes I ask, "Why her?" or "Why this kind of loss?" I shouldn't focus on it. Rather, I should ask myself, "What have I learned? What can I offer to those who are still on Earth? What is God telling me?"

Focus on the message, or else this misfortune will weigh me down.

I now can smile, though sometimes, I zone out and think of her. Then God nudges my spirit and says, "Hey, there is so much more for you to do. Be strong."

Challenge my spirit, so I can be strong for You and for other people.

1 comments:

tzie 10:02 PM  

i love the entry.

Number 4 spoke to me. haha.

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