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>> Friday, February 15, 2008

I didn't know that one Sunday in January would be the last time I spoke to her.

It was one Sunday and I was walking to the washroom. Someone from behind kicked my leg and tries to trip me. I turned around and saw her mischievous face. She smirked.

I placed my hands on her shoulder and did a strangling gesture. We both walked to the washroom in smiles. She was in her dance clothes, and was holding an extra shirt.

Me: Howaryooo two-na? (I called her Tuna.)
Tuna: Ti-errrd. Kakagaling lang namin ng Makati.
Me: You performed?
Tuna: Yeaaaaaaaah. Gosh Yumi, you're getting old.
Me: Heh, so are you.
Tuna: But you're still gonna be older than me. And I'm still taller than you.
Me: Salamat ha. (we both laugh)

We parted ways and I went back to the Sunday Service. It was the last conversation we had for the day. It was the last for eternity.

I was really shocked when Liza broke the news to me this morning. It couldn't be real. Tuna of all people would go ahead of me. Tuna, the ms hyperactive, ever perky person, and fashionable girl. Tuna, whom I've known since she was a kid.

Wake me up from this nightmare, it cannot be.

Liza and I went to her burial yesterday at Arlington. The place was filled with friends and family, most of them church friends. Tears welled up in my eyes when I hugged her mom. All she could say was, "Wala na si Zara. Wala na si Zara." It wasn't the best time to ask what happened to her. I didn't want to know because I wanted her back.

I'm still in the denial stage. The person inside the coffin did not look like her. Her face was long, old and withered. Her lips were pressed together in an expressionless face. I wasn't used to that. I knew her as a smiling kid, just like the photograph on top of her resting place. Her fingers were bony. Everything was just wrong. She shouldn't be there. She should be with us, laughing and smiling at the world.

Asking why would lead me to a dead end. I'll never know God's reason for taking her this early. I'm not mad at God because He knows more than all the accusations and questions we have in our minds. I'm just sad that she had to go too early.

I'll miss you Tuna. I'll miss your face in church, your one-liners, your besos when we see each other after Sunday services. I will miss your "hoys" when you pop out from an invisible status in ym. We love you so much. See you in heaven ok? Just wait for me, I'll stick around for a while. :)

Jedida Zara T. Divino
June 3, 1989 - February 13, 2008


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