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>> Saturday, March 10, 2007

it's a month after the hearts' day, but nothing is ever due when it comes to love.

sometimes i'm weirded out by the million dollar red question, "may boyfriend ka na?"

people expect too much of teenagers (whoops, i realized that i don't have the 'teen' attached to my age anymore), that every time they see me, that question is always the start of a conversation. does it always have to follow that when you meet a young person, you need to have a 'taken' status with you?

yes, i'm one of the many who carry the membership card of the NBSB (no boyfriend since birth). most of the time, i'm thankful that i'm part of this universal club. now that i'm older, i'm happy that i didn't have any attachments with other people. looking back, life is happier without a boyfriend.

thank God for strict parents who wouldn't even let you go out on a friday night. when i was in my highschool days, i would sulk all week when i couldn't go malling with my friends. i always stayed home. whenever my friends from church would meet up in a house and just have a 'jamming session', complete with a movie marathon, i always said 'no' to them. sometimes i wished that they wouldn't invite me anymore, to spare me from the torture of not being able to go. up to know, i still wish that i was able to join them. past is past, i can't turn back time.

there's still this feeling of injustice, but i try to look at the rationale of it. maybe i was too vulnerable and acquire a boyfriend right away, or i would fall for the wrong guy. or maybe they weren't trustworthy enough. i don't know. i've gained close friends from them, and some of them strayed away from my trust. most of my close friends from church are guys. wait, all of my close friends from church are guys. my secrets are safe with the guys. *shrug* i just don't trust the girls to keep my secrets. now that i'm older, with more common sense (i hope. :P ), i feel that having this mature relationship with my guy friends could be a result of those times that i wasn't allowed to go out. i'm not scared anymore of them thinking about courting me, because i know they won't. i treat them as my big brothers. one of them even calls me "little sis". they're the brothers i never had. i can say that i love them without adding malice to it.

i matured over the "need boyfriend now" status. college wasn't about looking for the best boyfriend-slash-alalay-slash-driver, but about having friends to keep you alive all the way. people envy our block because we still remained intact after our first year. we graduated with an identity of unity, no big fights, no division, no separation. even if some transferred schools, they still remained close contacts. relationships did not occur in the block because we all treated each other as one big family. the 'rents were nice to my "going out" status, they've allowed me to go out with them. trust is all that matters.

i'm not abnormal, i still have crushes. i like a lot of guys and they end with the word "like". my friends and i would joke about relationships with these crushes. they were mere admiration and a way to brighten one's day.

it's nice and cute to see a couple HHWW (holding hands while walking). i don't envy them. i can't even imagine myself having one, nor am i excited to have one. i'm enjoying my singlehood so much, having to spend my salary on my family and myself, buying all the starbucks coffee i want, and purchasing the books i've been dying to buy since college. a reason i give when people ask me about "boyfriend-dom" is that i don't have time to commit. after work, i go home, watch tv a little, and sleep. wednesdays, i devote my time to watching csi. thursdays, justice. fridays are movie dates with my parents. saturdays are a day of rest. sunday, church. where in the world will i fit the "boyfriend"? i'd rather not have one, than be in a relationship and fight over "giving time".

or maybe i'm not ready. i asked my parents what their reaction would be if they saw me with someone else, HHWW in the mall. mom said it was ok, as long as the guy courted the parents first before courting me. dad joked that he shouldn't be gay. i asked myself and i couldn't give a decent answer. it's just the number one sign: i'm not ready for it, so i don't want it.

it's not an immediate concern. there are more important things to give attention to: such as work, church, my craft, my family, and God. i have friends. i have a decent and fun job. i have a nice cellphone. i take the mrt by myself. i buy for my mrt card, and (sometimes) lunch. if there would be a small space for that "boyfriend", it'll be placed on the last number of my priority list.

so whenever someone asks me again, i'll have this scripted answer:

"wala po. di ko po kelangan non."


sasha 2:17 PM  

Naku gurl, dont let others pressure you to get into a relationship that you dont need at the moment.

Basta stay happy and be who you are and that prince charming will come at the right time :)

Happy Sunday, Yumi!

anak 2:18 PM  

Tama si Sasha, Yumi... wag magpa-pressure at darating din ang tamang panahon at makikilala mo si bf ahihihi

yawmee 8:54 AM  

ahehe. thanks guys. no worries, di naman yon immediate concern. haha nag-eenjoy naman ako sa single-hood eh. :)

*hugs to you*

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