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abandoned mind

>> Thursday, January 26, 2006

blogger pages take time to load. i lose patience when i post here. but i don't want to abandon piglet and this pink page.

*warning: the following paragraphs are not coherent with each other.*

after the fa festival, i feel the god of laziness haunting me. i should be doing a lot of advanced studying so that i won't cram when tests and papers come, but i spend too much time hanging out in the fa department, dreaming about something (or someone. harhar), bumming around, reminiscing about the fa festival, fixing my script for comfort woman, eating, or plain sleeping.

there are times when i long for something (or someone. harhar) i yearn for that little "want" that i have been keeping a secret for a long time. no one knows what it is. maybe they do, but it is not confirmed. i like to keep things to myself, because the thrill will be gone the moment a person knows about it. that is why crushes and secret admirers will remain a mystery to people. i would only tell if there is really something going on. but if confirmation is not there, then only my lonely self will know about it. i can't even force myself to put it on paper, maybe for the fact that someone might read it in the future and know about my little wants.

mysterious me. i can be as hyper as you want me to be, but there are times that i am in a senti mood (kasalanan to ni cams at ni miyo!). i try not to be desperate. but it seems that my dreams lead me somewhere beyond reality. my dreams become my personal journal, they translate my "wants" into something that i can call reality, even for just hours. eyes closed.

i stalk, i make my move, but no one notices. they think it's the sweet yumi, the hyper yumi, the kiddie yumi. maybe i am. look at me. and sing. play. those strings amaze me. feedback. yun na yon? (okhhay. ako lang makakarelate dito) those eyes, the smile. and the head. yes, it is you. you. damn, stop it yumi. harhar, di bagay.

change topic.

the fine arts festival has been my life and the moment of my college year. while everyone is stressed about their thesis, i am in bliss. true, money did bring me stress with the festival, but the experience and the memories is what separates the usual thesis from the fine arts thesis. it is what brought the block together, and proved that starving artists can actually earn money. it has only been weeks since we considered the exhibit hall our home. i don't want to leave the exhibit hall and let others use it, i am attached to it already. the curtains, the stage, the props, the lights, the food, the lapels, the cd player, the bean bags, the newspaper, the thrust stage, the chairs, the bed, the books, and the trash. 4 years ago, we were kids marching from pizza hut to ateneo with party hats, lined up and chanting some song. but now, these party hats turned to fireworks, while we earn money in order to celebrate a week of arts. before, our wallets contained a hundred bucks for food, now the block has a bank account, actually having money in it. we wonder where and how we were able to raise at least a hundred thousand pesos for the fine arts festival. we still stand amazed at what we were able to do. a week of fun, and a book that will give us the title of "published". a great opportunity for batch 2006. not all people get the privilege of being published. the fact that the book has the 4 letter word that makes us proud is enought to say that we are ready to graduate. i-s-b-n. yes, we have done this and that. we have all gone through the tears and the laughter.

and now, the sentimental mood shifts from like and love to the block.

i am proud to say that i am part of batch 2006. nothing beats the camaraderie, the bonding sessions, the number of students in the block, and the new additions. it is one happy family, and we love each other.

i warned you this post ain't coherent, right?

i search for you, and wish that your name pops out in my computer screen.

but i cannot dream.

(shheeeet. walang sense. ano ba? nagdrama nanaman ako? sorry kung di ka makarelate sa pinagsasabi ko, ganyan ang first draft ng isang manunulat. maraming mga hindi importante, nahuhumaling lang ako sa mga salita na nagagawa ng utak ko. kung naintindihan mo, swerte ka. may alam ka tungkol sa akin.)

ayan na, blogger, di na kita pinabayaan. gumawa na ako ng post para sa blogger.


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